Chapter 5 “FACT CHECK” & Addendum: “THE LEMONADE PITCHER” (from BRONX NIGHTS 🌃🍎)

Content Warning: This piece includes discussions of actual sexual history, private parts and all.

Here’s where things get tricky. The virtual family court hearing was May 13—there’s a judicial record for that. But according to IMDB, the Bridgerton episode was released May 16.

Surrendering custody of my daughter hit me like a Dresden fireball, so I went out and drank a handle of it. Or two. And seem to have lost three days in the process.

Looking through my phone, I spy a screen shot of Jaymes Young’s “Come Back for Me” on May 12: “There’s a dark room inside of my head.” Gee, don’t know why that lyric struck a chord.

Unrelated, but May 13 is also Loki’s unofficial birthday—or the first time I took him as a rescue kitten to the vet. Happy Belated Birthday, buddy! We had quite the party going on that week.

I also found a May 14 picture of me wandering down 149th Street, smoking cigarettes with this old Jamaican fellow who regaled me with tales of his days as a Caribbean longshoreman. There’s also a snapshot of Nova and the cats taking a nap on my chest.

By May 18, Alex is packing a suitcase and calling me a fucking idiot on a recorded loop and accusing me of dognapping. I’m genuinely confused about that, because her Conference, or as I like to refer to it, Con Artist Con, wasn’t until June 8. That’s when—but that’s a Chapter 9 problem.

Oh, and there are quite a few pooch piss puddle pics from all over the apartment.

On this one, let’s call it a 7.3 out of 10 on the mnemonic scale.

I just wish I could remember the exact date Alex went all beetles balls on me. It was somewhere around then. Still, I forgive her.

CHAPTER 5 ADDENDUM: “THE LEMONADE PITCHER”

Wait a second. What the hell was that lemonade pitcher thing all about? Who the hell cares if someone uses a standard kitchen item for a Netflix premiere party? Glad you asked.

That “priceless” lemonade pitcher was the only tactile recognition I received for overseeing a $2 billion economic development program in South Carolina for the better part of a decade. It was a token gesture given along with a statewide award for working my ass off to help reinvent the entire state economy, while staving off a gaggle of greedy state officials and corporate C-suiters.

I’m not kidding. The SmartState Program was no less crucial to the Palmetto State’s future than the recruitment of Boeing and BMW.

The thing is, that lemonade pitcher had never been used. Ever. It stood on my bar cart for years as a silent testament to untold hours of hard work and sacrifice to drag one of the bulwarks of Deep South barbarism into the knowledge-based economy.

Alex’s decision to use the lemonade pitcher without asking, especially for a gathering I wasn’t invited to, felt like a blatant disregard for my accomplishments and the significance that pitcher held.

It was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s bunt.

Also, squeezing in a little aside here: my daughter’s mother also performed at Carnegie Hall years back. Boy, that woman can belt.

To read all “BRONX NIGHTS” excerpts in order, click this link.

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All of the names have been changed, except for mine, and, you know, ones like Yo-Ya Ma, Nina Simone, etc.