The Hate Napkin


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THE HATE NAPKIN is a humorous, weekly podcast featuring former congressional candidate and author ARIK BJORN, pop culture guru GARRETT KELLERHALS, and sound engineer PAULY FROM BALI. Also, the crew is joined from time to time by veteran radio and social media personality CARLA FROM BURNT KORN, ALABAMA.


Years ago, author Arik Bjorn was sitting at the kitchen table, when he totally lost it. He started shouting all the things he hated. His roommate, Garrett Kellerhals, was in stitches. He recognized an opportunity to catch rage in a bottle: “Just grab a pen and start writing it all down!”


Arik reached out for a napkin and start scrawling everything that rubbed him wrong: from Tom Cruise to the pass interference penalty to cartoons to Colby-Jack cheese. For the next 15 years, Arik and Garrett continued to debate things that belong on THE HATE NAPKIN.


All the while, Garrett became an increasing fan of podcasts, recommending many to Arik, who mocked the medium and threatened to add podcasts to THE HATE NAPKIN. But then Arik realized that THE HATE NAPKIN itself would make a terrific podcast.


The concept of THE HATE NAPKIN is simple: the pleasurable release of creative hate. The podcast details the things that are plain and simple idiotic about our world and lives; it’s also a show where serious subjects are sliced in half by banana peel opinions. Why not call out Drake for sounding like a Muppet, or gauge the civilization of entire geographic regions based on whether they allow people to wear shoes indoors (and trample chlamydia all over the carpet)?


Each week, THE HATE NAPKIN hosts a ribald celebration of the joy of hate.





ARIK BJORN was a 2016 Democratic Party candidate for U.S. Congress. He is the author of nine books, including the South Carolina rideshare phantasmagoria, Uber Nights. Arik hates lots of things, to be sure, but more than anything, he loves being a dad.


Once upon a time, GARRETT KELLERHALS was searching for a source of joy on this crazy planet. Now he’s a devoted husband and father of two wonderful human youths. Also, he caretakes tons of cats and dogs, due to his spouse’s untreatable condition that compels her to adopt everything that barks or meows. Garrett extends thanks to all family, friends—even foes—for inspiring him in all things irksome.


PAULY FROM BALI doesn’t have a lot to say about himself.


But CARLA FROM BURNT KORN, ALABAMA, sure the hell does. Carla is the manager of the local Dairy Queen, the life-blood the town. She moonlights as the editorial manager of the Burnt Corn Register & Tribune. She is the mother of one son, Little Cletus, and is a keen observer of life in small town Southern ’Merica. Carla is a bit of an anomaly in her corner of America, as her parents were no relation to one another and none of her three ex-husbands were cousins—though two were brothers.