Waiting for Civilization
Meditations and Adventures in Reverence for Life
by Arik Bjorn
Available as an ebook on Amazon.
“He has a Renaissance Man’s devotion to knowledge and a seeker’s dedication to the search.”
—Bob Kincaid, radio personality and host of The Head-On Radio Network (The Horn)
Arik Bjorn’s latest book!
Civilization exists, right? After all, humans have walked on the Moon and sent robotic rovers to Mars. But Arik Bjorn argues that humanity has only just begun taking baby steps toward Civilization. Otherwise, there would be far more advances in global food programs and virtually no public sacrifices of zoo giraffes and Parisian cartoonists.
In this collection of essays, Bjorn examines the ape hate that still reigns inside us—from Haiti’s Auschwitz to squashed caterpillars to the Confederate Flag—and makes the case that a global foundation of Reverence for Life must be laid before True Civilization can exist. Every person has a part to play in establishing this foundation: “It will in fact take tens of billions of acts of kindness and thoughtful gestures to finish laying.” Only then can the world attain Martin Luther King Jr.’s “audacious hope” for humanity.
The R-Rated Theologian
What Every American Should Know
About the Biblical Definition of Marriage
& Other Flannelgraph Adventures
by Arik Bjorn
“Arik is one of the most eloquent writers I know …
He is one of today’s true progressive leaders.”
—Eric Alexander, author and creator of Christian Evolution
The R-Rated Theologian is an anthology of unabashed Progressive Christian essays by Arik Bjorn, frequent contributor to Forward Progressives and Patheos.
From same-sex marriage to Heaven & Hell to the biblical canon itself, the author tackles all of the sacred cows of Christian theology—including the dreaded Mark of the Beast, 666. (Or is it 616?) While dodging Adam’s snake and Revelation’s horny beast, Bjorn discovers a commonsense Progressive Christianity, where it’s perfectly acceptable to stand beneath a Cloud of Unknowing without an umbrella, yet where age-old standards like Bible chapter and verse notations are found wanting.
Birds of a Feather
short stories & miscellany
by Arik Bjorn
“As a writer, Arik Bjorn is brave, hilariously funny and determined to wind words around my feet until I trip.
Somehow, I am always a better person for having tripped.”
—Carol Baker, The Opinionated Bitch
Birds of a Feather: short stories & miscellany is the debut work of fiction by Arik Bjorn. With these five short stories and one slaphappily true essay, the author responds to his fundamentalist Christian background and counters with rebel angels (“Indiana”), resurrected humanists (“Vonnegut Lives!”) and imbibing ministers (“Birds of a Feather”)—plus divinely-disappeared red states and farting orange tabbies. Bjorn imagines a fresh Christian mythology that runs Möbius strip circles around the apocalyptic-poppycock fiction of Frank Peretti and the Left Behind series.
Pastor Pillow Talks!
The Christian Right Weekly Round-Up
by Arik Bjorn
With brass-knuckle, comic irreverence, Pastor Pillow Talks! tackles the Christian Right. In Pastor Pillow, Arik Bjorn has created a megachurch huckster character who reads like the theological love child of Russell Brand and Stephen Colbert. PPT! covers the year in religious zaniness, from floating fundies sailing the Pacific in order to flee God’s wrath to the Ham on Nye Debate.
“Imagine Pope Francis and Howard Stern stuck in an elevator—
for about a year.”
—Paul Blake, founder, Columbia City Paper
Every Sunday for several years, readers from Malta to Madison laughed their way through brunch thanks to the brass-knuckle, comically irreverent musings of the “Christian Right Weekly Round-Up” as presented by Arik Bjorn and his Prosperity Gospel megachurch huckster alter ego, Pastor Pillow. And just who is Pastor Pillow? Well, imagine the theological love child of Russell Brand and Stephen Colbert—then throw in a dash of Umberto Eco just for good measure. Pastor Pillow Talks! is an anthology of the first year of the “Christian Right Weekly Round-Up,” a weekly Sunday morning column that appeared from 2013-2015 on the political website Forward Progressives. There’s nothing quite like the “CRWRU” in all of progressive media. In fact, there probably hasn’t been anything like it since St. Thomas More and Martin Luther tossed invective poo at one another across the English Channel in the 16th century.
If Pastor Pillow and his vast Cubic Zirconia Cathedral Ministries Empire seem oddly familiar, there’s a reason. American Christendom teems with biblical charlatans who mislead communities week in and out from diamond-studded pulpits. And “Pastor Pillow Talks!” unapologetically pins the tail on every Balaam’s Ass hypocrite and the Christian Right Media in general. Pastor Pillow Talks! covers the year in religious zaniness, from floating fundies who sail the Pacific in order to flee God’s wrath, to the great Ham on Nye Battle for Causality & Reality—not to mention faulty End Times predictions brought to you by knuckleheaded eschatologists still living in their parents’ basements. The anthology also answers that age-old question: How should Christians choke their chickens? If Pastor Pillow Talks! has any enlightenment to offer civilization, it is the following. Just ask yourself: “What Would Pastor Pillow Do?” Then do the opposite. Also, sometimes the only way to survive religious insanity is to laugh your way through it.
Read the Free Times review of Pastor Pillow Talks! and Why Bad Things Happen to Good Parrots!
Why Bad Things Happen to Good Parrots
A Sermon Under the Mount in Three Essays,
plus a Short Story about Kurt Vonnegut
by Arik Bjorn
“I enjoyed Why Bad Things Happen to Good Parrots as much as I enjoyed
Mark Twain’s Letters from the Earth — and that is saying a heck of a lot.”
—Todd Morehead, Free Times
In Why Bad Things Happen to Good Parrots, author Arik Bjorn explores the Problem of Evil, the magic chicken multiverse, and chimichanga cosmology—plus there’s a bonus tribute to the late, great author Kurt Vonnegut. Bjorn is determined to dig his way to the center of the theological mountain—even if all he has is a trusty garden trowel: “I have always wanted to aim my keyboard directly at the Creator and ask several pointed questions not about how to live, but about why we are alive.”
In the title essay, “Why Bad Things Happen to Good Parrots,” Bjorn presents a heartfelt reflection 20 years in the making on Theodicy, or the Problem of Evil, “under the collective shadow of Aslan, Frodo and Freddy Kreuger.” In “Magic Chickens, Lemon Seeds & a Universe Sans Unicorns,” he wonders why the Creator presented us with this Universe, so absent in miraculous lemon trees, when human beings seem so good at inventing more interesting ones. And with “The Science Fair at the Edge of the Universe,” Bjorn contemplates Creation prequels, such as a divine spicy midnight snack that may have led to the Big Bang. In the concluding short story, “Vonnegut Lives,” the author makes up for the fact that writer Kurt Vonnegut left our Little Blue Planet without appropriate ballyhoo.